The phoenix in the making

I’m tired tired of fighting my emotions, failures and dejections.

post pandemic years have still been my lockdown phase in continuation.

the job that I applied for i was denied

my grandmother who is my heart is suffering health problems.

sometimes I feel totally lost as if uncertainty has become a permanent constant. Each day i rise to the new hope that today I’ll be so mentally strong that no ounce of rejection would affect me that somehow the universe will open up it’s window and pour me down it’s rain of sympathy and love drenching my existence consoling me giving me the hope that I will find my purposeful living

i do get it life is tough on everyone I’ve no special treatment but not getting love back for love hurts seeing ur friends progress and u being stuck hurts

i keep chanting to myself that I’m a phoenix in making without this realisation that till my emergence I’ve to burn myself completely.

I wish for hope … May it reach and touch u❤️

All of us are hurting some way or the other….

And it completely disheartens me that  we just can’t  ease any of those sufferings (even a bit)

so that self guilt is what compelled me to write this piece … to let them know that I really feel u and much of what u are battling   although I really can’t do enough to unburden that load i just want u to know that even if u  are struggling alone I promise ur  grace  will surely reach and touch u  and that life would happen once again for she always has got ur back and that in whatever situation u are may u have immense strength to overcome ur hardships coz u know although none know what u are going through but sufferings . . They aren’t any different it’s that same hollowness that same bitter feeling of disgust with life …

No body can get u and none will for how can they ….. Everybody is trudging their own different path they have their own mountains to climb but if someone says ur problems aren’t that significant trust me they are so damn wrong coz u warrior u are fighting your own crisis.

The world is grappling a pandemic but nobody will tell u… u’ve been living one all ur lifetime just coz it’s not raked everyone at once with the same magnitude and intensity doesn’t mean ur issue is any less significant

I’m sure world will heal if collective action is taken and communities come together but for u the struggle to overcome will always be in isolation so I just want that may u always hold on firmly to the baton of faith and hope and just believe that things would change and change for better coz u know…

nothing…  nothing ever lasts forever nor will ur hardships stand the test.They will ease I don’t know when but I’m sure they will just plz don’t give up on urself u’r a wonder that makes wonder happen so just plz hold on I promise life it will happen.

You are making me feel uncomfortable

Sexual harassments – an ephemera which isn’t quite dying down.

All around the world any religion you follow  any culture you come from whether you are a black, white or brown doesn’t really matter. As long as you are a lady it  seems you are entitled to sexual atrocities whether it be mild or severe.

It’s not that only girls, with fair skins  and peeking cleavages are picked up ( to make it pretty clear our hanging titties  aren’t open invitations please get that straight  we can really assure you of that #beleive me we have tongues and we know how to formulate words so if we  feel otherwise we can easily let you know of that😏  )

As a  matter of fact  their can be many reasons for our babies being so dominant,  sometimes the dresses we buy ends up being too tight and most of the times we really have no idea that they are peeking out  coz for fuck sake we really, genuinely don’t notice  our boobs hanging out unless you make it obvious by ogling it consistently and more so  isn’t this a free country where you are entitled to dress and carry yourselves as and  how you like so even if it gives you a  Boner I think our consent counts.

But people today have really forgotten that our “NO” means “NO” and not an invitation to  come and try a new strategy to “CONVINCE” us. It’s really frightening when men just don’t give up.

We are living in times  wher sexual harassments and atrocities are at  it’s  peak. where even a  mature lady and  an adolescent  baby girl doesn’t know how to protect herself  so i really on behalf of my community urge men to please just lower  their  sex drive coz damn you are making us feel uncomfortable😒

 

Teach me to give up

Today’s date in history will go down as the day when my sweet friend finally realised that her relationship was really over (like for good and real 🤣), and after drinking in her countless metric tonnes of sorrows I had my eureka moment 😎 it got me pondering, It’s so natural to fall in love but why in jeasus name it’s so damn hard to fall back out of it, Coz beleive me it isn’t easy to be a love stuck fool  you get emotionally invested without any clue ,you try hard like really hard to hate your lover with all that is left in you ,but damn they are like fuckin north winds turning you towards their direction even without you knowing, so you know what ?? we  need be prepared with condoms for our hearts for be assured he will fuck them and fuck them really hard. 

Here’s an ode to my love struck friend acknowledging to her how ” it” feels (now plz after reading this stop re-repeting the torturous statement (tum nahi samjhoge)

         I gaze into the starry nights

And shed my tears beneath it’s light

Which feel like sawdust making it hard to breath

How come our relationship came to this.

You give me lame reasons for letting you go,

Don’t you know Jason I’m your Medea why are you bloody forcing me to go.

You esconce yourself under imaginary insuperable problems,

But believe every dark night has a beautiful morning.

You scorch my heart, make it hard for me to breath

I wish we had condoms for our obsequious feeling too

For you fuck them hard and make sure it bruise, coz it’s only you who had the prerogative

why did i give it to you

Your heart was Sodom, my heart Kafkaesque

Even our memories compendium isn’t a prognosis for my broken believe……

I am not a victim but a survivor

How easy it is on a scale of 1 to 10, to live a life after overcoming a tremendous tragedy something in common parlance known as rape . Believe me it’s fuckin messed up, you loose your senses of joy, dreams and hopes and no moral constraint is powerful enough to reinstall your faith in humanity again,  it’s like your life gets divided into two halves,a life before the tragedy and a life after tragedy and the afterlife is really tough even tougher than cracking your UPSC exams or getting the perfect GRE score.

I really can’t understand the mentality of the molesters “you rape young girls, you even rape aged women,you rape kids and don’t spare even 2 months babies(god where lies there damn conscience).

We say we are with the victims,even take out candle Marches but at the end of the day what’s the thing that’s trending #me too

So how do you make us believe that we are safe, and the “other lot who is dealing with the #afterlife can be detoxified of their scar.

The only answer I have got is don’t see us as victims change your perspective and see us as a survivor,make sure that we are empowered and teach your boys that girls are not toys.

So from me to all the rape survivors out their and to every girl who has ever been molested and stayed silent for a crime inflicted upon her also to the ladies who surrender to their legal rapists #marital rape is too common yet not protested

Breath for life won’t be easy
That your struggles won’t end soon
The treacherous path awaits and the journey still continues
With twists and turns, the road goes on
Without any preference for right or wrong
So don’t keep sitting wallowing in pain
Dive deep to find the perfect jewels for your existence
Coz you have no idea how the mystery would untangle
So breathe…. For life won’t be a merciful angel
Look for the battle which leads to your cause
For fighting spirit’s rare and it never tenders all
Fall will be hefty you should know that in advance
And if you are a pussy you should immediately leave the battleground
As worst are the wounds which will be conflicted upon your soul
Cause there’s no word like mercy in life’s book of record
So breathe… for life won’t be easy
And that your struggles won’t be ending soon

Believe

Isn’t believe a cheesy word,may be may be not. Well if you ask a believer like me you will end up with a  biased result. But  really  a billion people out there and the only thing common amongst them is ‘their believe‘, believe that things would turn right,believe that “i am not the only one who is suffering”, believe that inspite of the sufference I will survive.

But at times this believe gets shaken and there isn’t much you can do to restore it. When you see dead bodies of children from the war torned syrian states  “u don’t want to believe”.       When you see your young generation  radicalised , you don’t want to believe. when you see people fearing people just coz they have different caste,class,religion, u cannot believe.

When you see such policies formulated that bar the helpless refugees from coming to your land ,you cannot believe.

when you realise that arms and ammunition are cheaper than student loans, you cannot believe.  So what should we do ??

give up our believe or start believing that we have the potential to revamp our belief.

    Coz for sure,    

chasing dreams has never been easy. Pain and sufference always come easily, winds of frustration add fuel to the fire but this empty heart draws it’s strength by reminiscing the songs of laughter.

The world is falling apart

Do i know how severely  the worlds  today have changed?? Yes i do.

People today are more heathen than they primitively used to be and my poor parents they still cling on to the believe that not all poetry of our lands has been lost. But is it really so… Coz all I see is people killing people,rapists wrapped up in the clothes of priests,children armed with weapons instead of pens and truly the list goes on……

So last night i sat  under the grim light of my table lamp and I pondered and this is what I came up with ..

Breathe

From the ashes of my past I rise
Into a present that’s devoid of light
Skimming through the tides of a fading ocean into the abyss of mortal destruction
Where people fear violence voices are stopped
Where liberal gets killed in the name of Caliphate and God
Where sacrilege is a crime even heinous than rape
Coz u see rapists priests today have become the dictators of our faith
What i eat, what I wear it’s a yardstick of my believe
Intoxicated by this hatred
I cannot breathe
I cannot breathe

Should I let this silence devour my being
Coz surely like cancer silence is growing it’s wing
Will it like Icarus fall to it’s death
Or will it like “the Hanuman” devour the entire sun itself.

Man We really have a lot of critical thinking to do . I have started my share u need to pick up too…